Voice of the White House

December 5, 2005: “Being in the White House these days is akin to being on the RMS Titanic just after she ran over the iceberg. Bush in coming apart, almost literally, Cheney is behaving like a turpentined Chow and there is the distinct probability that Jack Abramoff will snitch on many Republicans for taking large bribes, not to mention the even greater probability that Fat Karl the Eunuch will be indicted for more lies. These evil portents have everyone here either working up a resume or whining that Bush is being unfairly attacked by evil left wing nasties, like the New York Times and other inconsequential papers.

Neil Bush, a crooked whacko is now running around with Dr. Moon (who declared himself Emperor of the World in the Capitol lobby with a number of Republican Congressmen in awestruck attendance) and the Bush people are wincing in anticipation of the fall out. Neil is a stupid crook who has lived off his rich family’s name for years and has about as much character as Brother George, the Beloved of God.

The spin doctors come and go here and some have suggested attacking Syria, others want us to threaten North Korea with bombing and yet others recently suggested that Bush go to Iraq for Christmas and personally rescue soldiers “injured” in a fake bomb attack. Just imagine, ketchup all over his military flak vest! I hope if they pull this one, they don’t use Heinz ketchup.

Three more years of this is not good for the country but Bush will never leave on his own and no sane Beltway person wants the sadistic and nutty Cheney in the Oval Office.

If Bill Clinton ran again, he would be a cinch to get in. Not so his wife who is as mean as a broke-backed snake.

Someone came into the office two days ago and threw a roll of toilet paper on my desk. I thought they were trying to tell me something about my hygiene but it turns out that the roll had Bush’s ugly face imprinted on each and every little square! How funny! If I could get into the Executive Potty, I would put it in there but just for fun, I had a secretary friend put it up in one of the women’s lavs. Much fuss. No doubt, the Secret Service is looking for prints even as we speak.

My best to all the ferocious flag-wavers out there who are certain I do not exist and tell them that if they send you their addresses, I can send each and every one of them a roll of Bush Potty Paper. I have half a carton in the back of my car. I gave one to a friend at the British Embassy and he gave it to the Ambassador! Bush is not liked in the Diplomatic Corps here. He is viewed as an idiot and a madman by one and all. Heil Bush!

Happy Holidays!”