The Voice of the White House

Washington, D.C., January 14, 2007: “Here, for your amusement, is an exact copy of an in-house memo sent to me, and others of my opinions, by one of Bush’s senior, and soon-to-be employed elsewhere, advisors:

‘I pity the poor deluded Christians of America who think the Monkey Palace is a staunch bastion of morality and Christian Family Values. The only family values this White House knows are those of the Village People: "We are Family, all my Sisters and me...." There was much twittering and swishing of tutus around the coffee stations this last Friday, as White House aides, speechwriters, prayer leaders, and Secret Service guards discussed their anticipated exploits to be had this coming Saturday night at the Washington Plaza Hotel at M Street and 14th on Thomas Circle, where half the queens on the East Coast were to celebrate MAL, or the Mid-Atlantic Leather annual gay weekend get-together.

I understand Karl Rove and Ken Mehlman went shares on a 9th-floor suite with the aforesaid Secret Service "fraternity members" checking ID's at the door. (Only Republicans working in the White House or in Congress were to be allowed into that particular Harem Of Joy.) Sadly, missing this year would be Congressman Mark Foley and his witty post-orgasmic descriptions of the sweaty action, which everyone in that circle used to anticipate with great hilarity. (Indeed, all you sorry Christian worshippers of Saint George, not only were Foley's proclivities well known in the Party, but for many years he was one of the leading lights at these functions.)

Lest the Reform Jews, always so liberal in these matters, should feel a touch of sympathy for these happy souls, they should know that among the hairy studs dressed-up in chains, peaked caps and police uniforms, there are always at least two or three Heinrich Himmlers and half a dozen Martin Bormanns. Yes, children, when speaking of today's Republican Party, one should go lightly on the "Republican" bit, and emphasize the "Party" .....at least here in the Nut House on 16th Street.

Meanwhile, nobody picked up on the fact that Bush was sedated to the eyeballs when he delivered his "Iraqi surge"speech from the White House library last Wednesday. Everyone must have noticed how careful and emotionless his elocution was, and perhaps a few also noticed his long pauses between each sentence. This was because the Teleprompter operator was warned not to run the script too quickly in case the high-flying King Kong might be unable to read that fast. Let us commend the Naked Emperor for the fact that that this time, for once, his drug of choice was Prozac, rather than Southern Comfort or Jim Beam.

The Iraq disaster continues to provoke anguish here among the "Party" faithful, whose numbers dwindle weekly. Everyone is dreading the inevitable day when the Iraqi insurgents shoot down a C-130 plane landing at Baghdad Airport and carrying a "surge" of 300 National Guard fathers, brothers, and sons. When that happens, and it will, the Blue Plains sewage facility in Anacostia will receive a large "surge" of ripe fecal material emanating from the Bush White House. Following this event, Bush himself will weigh only 15 lbs. and be only two feet high. You know what they say: If Bush dropped dead suddenly, they could give him an enema and bury him in a shoe box..

And it really is getting that bad here. I know of at least ten fairly senior staffers here who are totally convinced that Bush is a lunatic and that they would be better off working elsewhere.

I suppose you have all heard of the senior DoJ officials who have claimed (this was in the NYT) that any lawyer who dared to represent the Gitmo people should be fired from their law firms and disbarred!

Now, this is an actual, official view! Jesus H. Christ!

You really ought to work in this place, children. It’s like doing the night shift in a nut house when the moon is full.! George hasn’t been reported as urinating on the carpets in the Oval Office, yet, but I have a feeling that’s next on the Clown House agenda. (‘Call Household, Mavis, and tell them to bring the mops. The Prez is talking to himself again.’)”

The Green Zone Follies

Baghdad, 12 Jan 07: “’Now is the winter of our discontent….’ And it is.

A coming influx of fresh meat and the sodomists and drug dealers in the ranks are rubbing their hands with glee.

This is going to be a really terrible last act, believe me. The rag heads know more green troops are coming over here to save Bush’s tattered reputation and they are loading up on armaments, just waiting. Bush claims, truthfully, that weapons are coming in here from Iran.

He threatens Iran. No one believes him and the weapons, and trained men, still pour in to Iraq.

We don’t have anywhere near enough troops to seal the borders and deal with the growing insurgency. The other side are using shaped charge small rockets that blow our vehicles, including tanks, up and kill the crews. The top brass here knows that we cannot win the war with 100,000 new men, let alone 20,000 new and green ones.

The drill is to take over an area in Baghdad, kill off anyone that looks like a resistance person and then garrison it with our people! Baghdad is a huge, sprawling city and to follow this Bush plan is pure insanity from the git-go. Can’t be done.

And the sheep will be led to the slaughter and the homefolks will get madder.

The Generals here are very, very unhappy. They do not dare tell Bush or his butt kissers in the Pentagon the truth…that we cannot win this civil war/resistance movement. There is a terrible parallel with ‘Nam but Bush is so delusional that he can’t see it.

Our people can but they can’t open their mouths. There will be no ‘final victory’ but the high death tolls will get even higher.

One two star fellow who has met with Bush, is telling everyone that the President is a nut and ought to be sent packing but he can do nothing. The idea of mutiny is still there and still growing. All it will take is one incident and the press will rupture itself trying to keep it under wraps.

My father was a reporter in the south and he used to say, ‘Once a newspaperman, always a whore.’ “