Donald Rumsfeld’s Killer Sharks
You might have noticed that in President Bush’s fiscal year 2007 budget presented to Congress last month the largest increase went to the Defense Department. While one-third of the budget cuts were in public education, the Department of Defense garnered a seven percent increase. No doubt some of that increased funding will go to purchase more bombs and water buckets (the buckets are used for a technique known as “water boarding,” in which suspected terrorists and anyone else we don’t like are drowned within an inch of their life), but it also appears that some will be spent for a school of killer sharks controlled by Donald Rumsfeld. Well, I’m exaggerating, but not by much.

According to a report by the Naval Undersea Warfare Center at the 2006 Ocean Sciences Conference, the Defense Department is experimenting with the creation of electronic implants placed in the brains of sharks. The intention is to use the implants to remotely control the sharks. The implants “consist of multi-channel neural ensemble readers and stimulators, diverse controllers and sensors.” Defense Department engineers hope that this will allow them to manipulate the sharks, and that ultimately they can be used to track and attack enemy ships or submarines. And perhaps even the occasional high-ranking Al Quaeda leader caught taking a leisurely swim in the Red Sea.

While I’m not a scientist, this seems pretty far-fetched. However, science is increasingly capable of doing some truly amazing and offensive things today. But given the $39 billion cut in domestic programs that the Republican Congress approved in January, and President Bush’s budget cuts effecting the elderly, the poor, public schools, AIDS patients, etc., training “killer sharks” doesn’t seem like an appropriate expense. But what else should we expect from this administration?